I opened my computer to write. It's a practice that I have leaned on for several years as a way to move ideas from thought energy on to the planet in a concrete, this isn't going anywhere, way.
I have been stirring for the last several days. Searching for a rational, logical reason why I was/am in this state of discomfort. The full moon, I thought. Oh, wedding planning. Must be the transition back to work from a few days away. Works impact, I considered. Not moving my energy enough. High and low, we looked (my mind and I). It wanted answers and frankly, I wanted them too.
The question: Why am I so uncomfortable?
I, on occasion, send myself words of advice and counsel. I email them to myself from myself with a tagline that makes it easy for my future self to find. So this morning, It dawned on me that I may have some sweet words that may provide some ease. Sure enough.
To Halle ( me)
Subject: Use this when you're not sure
Email's contents: Sweetheart, you are in pain. Relax. Take a breath. Let’s pay attention to what is happening. Listen and stay.
Ah sweet sweet self. I am okay. And I am uncomfortable. And I will go to work. And I will breathe and be present. And hear stories and play games that help kids eliminate worry. And I myself, may even be healed in the process ( no guarantees!) But old self, you wise thing you, thanks for the reminder to take a breath. and to pay attention.
There is no answer. There is only the decision to stop running away from it. To lean in, even, and to listen.
I hope this love note serves as a reminder to you.